Being An Air Force Wife

I  had a neighbor who had bought a new pickup. I got up very early one Sunday  morning and saw that someone had spray painted red all around the sides of  this beige truck (for some unknown reason). I went over, woke him up, and told  him the bad news. He was very upset and was trying to figure out what to do  probably nothing until Monday morning, since nothing was open. Another  neighbor came out and told him to get his WD-40 and clean it off. It removed  the unwanted paint beautifully and did not harm his paint job that was on the  truck. I’m impressed! WD-40 who knew?

When you read the  ”shower door” part, try it. It’s the first thing that has ever cleaned that  spotty shower door. If yours is plastic, it works just as well as glass. It’s  a miracle! Then try it on your stovetop… Voila! It’s now shinier than it’s  ever been. You’ll be amazed.

Here  are some of the uses:

1)  Protects silver from tarnishing.
2) Removes road tar and grime from  cars.
3) Cleans and lubricates guitar strings.
4) Gives  floors that ‘just-waxed’ sheen without making it slippery.
5) Keeps  flies off cows.
6) Restores and cleans chalkboards.
7)  Removes lipstick stains.
Loosens stubborn zippers.
9)  Untangles jewelry chains.
10) Removes stains from stainless steel  sinks.
11) Removes dirt and grime from the barbecue grill.
12) Keeps  ceramic/terra cotta garden pots from oxidizing.
13) Removes tomato stains  from clothing.
14) Keeps glass shower doors free of water spots.
15)  Camouflages scratches in ceramic and marble floors.
16) Keeps scissors  working smoothly.
17) Lubricates noisy door hinges on vehicles and doors in  homes
18) It removes black scuff marks from the kitchen floor! Use WD-40  for those nasty tar and scuff marks on flooring. It doesn’t seem to harm the  finish and you won’t have to scrub nearly as hard to get them off. Just  remember to open some windows if you have a lot of marks.
19) Bug guts will  eat away the finish on your car if not removed quickly! Use WD-40!
20)  Gives a children’s play gym slide a shine for a super fast slide.
21)  Lubricates gear shift and mower deck lever for ease of handling on riding  mowers.
22) Rids kids rocking chairs and swings of squeaky noises.
23)  Lubricates tracks in sticking home windows and makes them easier to  open.
24) Spraying an umbrella stem makes it easier to open and  close.
25) Restores and cleans padded leather dashboards in vehicles, as  well as vinyl bumpers.
26) Restores and clean s roof racks on  vehicles.
27) Lubricates and stops squeaks in electric fans.
28)  Lubricates wheel sprockets on tricycles, wagons, and bicycles for easy  handling.
29) Lubricates fan belts on washers and dryers and keeps them  running smoothly.
30) Keeps rust from forming on saws and saw blades, and  other tools.
31) Removes splattered grease on stove.
32) Keeps bathroom  mirror from fogging.
33) Lubricates prosthetic limbs.
34) Keeps pigeons  off the balcony (they hate the smell).
35) Removes all traces of duct  tape.
36) Folks even spray it on their arms, hands, and knees to relieve  arthritis pain.
37) Florida’s  favorite use is: “cleans and removes love bugs from grills and  bumpers.”
38) The favorite use in the state of New York WD-40 protects the  Statue of Liberty from the elements.
39) WD-40  attracts fish.  Spray a LITTLE on live bait or lures and you will be catching the big one in  no & nbsp; time. Also, it’s a lot cheaper than the chemical  attractants that are made for just that purpose. Keep in mind though, using  some chemical laced baits or lures for fishing are not allowed in some  states.
40) Use  it for fire ant bites.  It takes the sting away immediately and stops the itch.
41) WD-40 is great  for removing crayon from walls. Spray on the mark and wipe with a clean  rag.
42) Also, if you’ve discovered that your teenage daughter has washed  and dried a tube of lipstick with a load of laundry, saturate the lipstick  spots with WD-40 and re-wash. Presto! Lipstick is gone!
43) If you sprayed  WD-40 on the distributor cap, it would displace the moisture and allow the car  to start.
P. S. The basic  ingredient is FISH OIL.

WD-40

WHY GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:

Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
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Just thought we could use a laugh today! You can find another funny story here!

*****

For the next time you feel like flirting….

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The Green Three is hosting a 40 before 40 today. When I think into the far, far, far away future, I realize on my 40^th birthday (March 2013), I will have a *gasp* 19 year old and an 11 year old!

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To my darling husband,

Before you return from your business trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately, it’s not too bad and I really didn’t get hurt, so please don’t worry too much about me.

I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car.

I am really sorry, but I know with your kindhearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweetheart. I am enclosing a picture for you.

I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again.

Your loving wife

pissed wife

I got this in an e-mail~ thanks Rene! It’s hilarious! Wish I was near that fire!

smoke inhalation, high fireman, high, pot

I lived in Germany for four long years~ why didn’t this ever happen to me??

BERLIN (Reuters) - A German motorist surprised by euro notes swirling in the air around her car hit the brakes and collected a “substantial amount of money” before turning it over to police, authorities in Worms said on Thursday.

A police spokesman in the small western town said the 24-year-old woman saw the money flying through the air in her rear view mirror late on Wednesday. She pulled over and tried to collect all the notes, unsuccessfully.

When police went with her to the scene they could not find any more cash.

A spokesman at Worms city hall said police were withholding details on the exact sum and location of the find in the hope of learning more about the money’s origin.

Source: Yahoo News

My butt wouldn’t have been unsuccessful! Money falling from the sky??? Awesome!

Don’t forget to sign up for my contest HERE!

Germany, money, money falling from sky

Robin Williams, wearing a shirt that says “I love New York” in Arabic.


You gotta love Robin Williams…… Even if he’s nuts! Leave it to Robin
Williams to come up with the perfect plan. What we need now is for our
UN Ambassador to stand up and repeat this message.

Robin Williams’s plan… (Hard to argue with this logic!)

“I see a lot of people yelling for peace, but I have not heard of a plan for
peace. So, here’s one plan.

1) “The US will apologize to the world for our ‘interference’ in their affairs, past & present. You know: Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin, Tojo, Noriega, Milosevic, Hussein, and the rest of those ‘good ole boys;’ we will never ‘interfere’ again.

2) “We will withdraw our troops from all over the world, starting with Germany, South Korea, the Middle East, and the Philippines. They don’t want us there. We would station troops at our borders. No one allowed sneaking through holes in the fence.

3) “All illegal aliens have 90 days to get their affairs together and leave. We’ll give them a free trip home, after 90 days; the remainder will be gathered up and deported immediately, regardless of who or where they are. They’re illegal!!! France will welcome them.

4) “All future visitors will be thoroughly checked and limited to 90 days unless given a special permit!!!! No one from a terrorist nation will be allowed in. If you don’t like it there, change it yourself and don’t hide here. Asylum would never be available to anyone. We don’t need any more cab drivers or 7-11 cashiers.

5) “No foreign ’students’ over age 21. The older ones are the bombers. If they don’t attend classes, they get a D, and its back home, baby.

6) “The US will make a strong effort to become self-sufficient energy-wise. This will include developing nonpolluting sources of energy, but will require temporary drilling for oil in the Alaska wilderness. The caribou will have to cope for a while.

7) “Offer Saudi Arabia and other oil-producing countries $10 a barrel for their oil. If they don’t like it, we go someplace else. They can go somewhere else to sell their production. (About a week of the wells filling up the storage sites would be enough.)

8.) “If there is a famine or other natural catastrophe in the world, we will not ‘interfere.’ They can pray to Allah, or whomever, for seeds, rain, cement, or whatever they need. Besides, most of what we give them is stolen or given
to the army. The people who need it most get very little, if anything

9) “Ship the UN Headquarters to an isolated island someplace. We don’t need the spies and fair-weather friends here. Besides, the building would make a good homeless shelter or lockup for illegal aliens.

10) “All Americans must go to charm and beauty school. That way, no one can call us ‘Ugly Americans’ any longer. The language we speak is ENGLISH…learn it…or LEAVE.”

“Now, isn’t that a winner of a plan?”

“The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, ‘Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses’ She’s got a baseball bat, and she’s yelling, ‘You want a piece of me?’ “

Robin Williams, Peace plan

I totally stole this from Chrissy, but it is too hilarious not to pass on! Any mom will appreciate this! I was exhausted just from reading it!

Six married men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks. Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes. There is no fast food. Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of “pretend” bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week. Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment . He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they’re about to leave for vacation). He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times. The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done. Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.

Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas. Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed. The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their
clothing.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties. They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting. He will need to read a book to the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb
their hair each morning by 7:00. They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information: each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name. Also the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child’s favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better. They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, “You’re not the boss of me”.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if…he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.

survivor for men, kids, children, funny